pleatedjeans:

@home_halfway
keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY
One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice Mormon lady handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.
tastefullyoffensive:

Whoop, whoop. [via]
pussylipgloss:

tupawkward:


sick…


raw

shred

feverto:

when you know something doesnt fit in the fridge but you force the door shut and let it fall out on someone else

(via thegiggles)